Explaining menopause for partners
Menopause marks a transition in a woman’s life when she moves beyond her potentially reproductive years. As a partner of someone who is, or will be, experiencing menopause at some point, you may have become aware that there are (thankfully) many more conversations happening now about this time in life, especially in the media. But there is still a lack of understanding, confusion, stigma, and myths regarding this transition. Whatever your gender, this leaflet is to help you further understand menopause and learn how to best support your partner.
What is menopause?
Most, but not all, women reach a natural menopause at the average age of 51, with anywhere between 45 years and 55 years being classed as ‘normal’.
A natural menopause has technically been reached when the last period was more than 12 months ago. Thereafter a woman is described as postmenopausal and remains so for the rest of her life.
Once periods have stopped and menopause has been reached, the ovaries no longer produce the reproductive hormones estrogen and progesterone.
In a female the ovaries also make testosterone, but this hormone starts diminishing in the early to mid-thirties.
While testosterone is produced in very different quantities in men and women, it’s an important hormone for both.
Some, but not all, males also experience a reduction in the amount of testosterone they produce (from their testes) as they age. This is sometimes referred to as ‘andropause’.
In women, the 3 hormones estrogen, progesterone and testosterone play crucial roles in how we feel physically, psychologically and sexually.
Other types of menopause:
A naturally occurring menopause
Approximately 10% of women have an ‘early’ menopause, when their last period is reached between the ages of 40 and 45.
Experiencing menopause before the age of 40 is called Premature Ovarian Insufficiency (POI) and this occurs in at least 1 in 100 women.
While any type of menopause has potential implications for a person’s future health, it’s particularly true for younger women and is always a condition that should be managed proactively to reduce any associated health risks.
Prior to reaching a natural menopause, there is a phase of time lasting anywhere between 2 and 12 years called perimenopause.
This is a time which may go unnoticed because periods may still be happening. Or periods may not happen because of certain types of contraception (such as a Mirena coil or the mini pill, for example) and symptoms of the perimenopause are often attributed to other causes such as living a stressful, busy life.
During perimenopause, menstrual periods may become heavier or lighter than usual or occur less regularly. Heavier periods in particular can be challenging to deal with in your personal and work life.
Awareness of the perimenopause phase is particularly important for couples as it can be a challenging time if one or both of you are unaware of the reason for the changes that are happening.
At this stage in a woman’s life the ovaries are still working but more erratically, so although levels of progesterone tend to reduce, the levels of estrogen can fluctuate dramatically and this can cause very changeable and unsettling symptoms.
A medically induced or surgical menopause
Some women do not experience a natural menopause because their menopause starts due to receiving treatment for other health conditions.
A common intervention that causes menopause is the removal of the ovaries at the time of a hysterectomy. This type of surgery may be done as a treatment for heavy periods or endometriosis, or less commonly for cancer of the ovaries or removal of other structures in the pelvis.
Sometimes ovaries become damaged by cancer treatments such as chemotherapy or radiotherapy, or the ovaries may be stopped from working intentionally in specific treatments for breast cancer and other types of cancer.
For more specific information about breast cancer, please see our Menopause after Breast Cancer leaflet.
When menopause is induced in these ways, it’s usually sudden and tends to be associated with worse symptoms but it’s generally less understood than a menopause that occurs naturally.
It is very important that everyone in this situation is given information about menopause before, during and after their treatment.
Symptoms of menopause and their impact
How symptoms may start
The symptoms of perimenopause and menopause overlap substantially and are ever-changing in an individual over the course of many months and most likely, years.
Early on in perimenopause, symptoms may appear for days or weeks at a time and then go away for a while.
Often, but not always, some of the earlier symptoms that are experienced in a woman’s 40s are anxiety, poor sleep and mood swings.
Physical symptoms
Migraine episodes may start for the first time or come back after many years.
Fatigue often becomes an issue and if periods are heavy, this can compound the problem.
Other symptoms that are common are hot sweats and flushes, and aches and pains in the joints and muscles.
Weight is more difficult to control as hormones change, and the motivation to lead a healthy life can also be lost.
Whilst physical symptoms can be difficult to cope with, it’s often the psychological challenges that are even more tricky to navigate – especially as a couple.
Psychological Symptoms
You may notice your partner no longer seems like their normal self and may struggle to enjoy things that they used to.
She might be more tearful, irritable and snappy. Relatively trivial things may trigger a meltdown of emotions and it’s easy to misinterpret this as them being unhappy with you.
It’s very difficult for those experiencing such fluctuating moods to understand what is happening or to trust their behaviour, and there may be a loss of self-esteem and reduced confidence.
For some in perimenopause, they may have unsettling and intrusive thoughts and may even have scary feelings of not wanting to be here anymore.
The menopause transition may be the first time your partner has struggled with psychological difficulties. For those who have had mental health issues in the past, it’s a vulnerable time to experience a recurrence of these.
Past traumatic experiences may also make an unwelcome comeback, as this stage of life encourages much reflection.
For some who may have been unable to have children, menopause can be a particularly unwelcome reminder of missed opportunities.
You may have heard of the term ‘brain fog’ and this relates to the very common set of symptoms including memory lapses, difficulty concentrating, trouble finding the right words, and a general sluggish feeling mentally.
This happens when the fluctuating and declining hormone levels in the blood are making their way through the brain. Despite being potentially amusing when car keys are found in the freezer, the reality is that the implications of such difficulties can be very problematic in day-to-day functioning, both at home, in the family and especially in the workplace.
Stress related to keeping up your performance at work can take its toll on home life.
Are there adjustments in your share of the duties around the home or with family members that could help your partner cope with her mental load?
Many women end up taking sick leave from work due to their menopause symptoms and they may also reduce their hours or forego opportunities for promotion. It’s not unusual for women to give up working as a result of feeling less able to do the job, and this can have significant financial implications at home and on their partner.
Changes affecting sexual intimacy
There is another set of potential symptoms affecting the genital area termed Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM) and these affect the majority of women at some point during their menopause transition or at any point afterwards.
The lack of estrogen in the body can make the vagina and/or vulval area drier and prone to soreness and itching. It can also lead to needing to wee more frequently or very urgently, or urine leaking a little bit. Infections of the urinary tract or bladder, like cystitis (painful passing of urine) may be triggered by sexual intercourse.
For more detailed information about this, please see our leaflet on GSM.
There may be some decisions to make around choice of contraception, use of lubricants and any other aids for sexual pleasure. Being an active participant in making these decisions as a couple is important and increases the success of the experience for both of you.
For most couples, physical affection and the sexual part of the relationship is important. It’s common for certain menopause symptoms to have the potential to act as barriers to fulfilling this side of life as a couple.
At times, some women desperately crave reassuring hugs and at other times they cannot bear to be touched. This hot-cold shift can be very confusing for the partner but is also often confusing for her too.
Sharing a bed is made difficult if she is having hot sweats in the night, is tossing and turning with sleeping problems, or has to repeatedly get up to go to the toilet. A simple but helpful tip is to each use single duvets on your double bed.
The potential to snore also increases during menopause (for multiple reasons) and addressing this can be very beneficial to improve her long-term health and for you as a couple.
As if hot sweats, fatigue, low self-esteem and genital discomfort wasn’t enough to put a woman off having sex, a menopausal woman’s libido often drops at this time.
A woman may still be very much in love with and attracted to her partner but simply cannot go through the motions of feeling sexually stimulated. This is a very common reason for relationship difficulties with accompanying guilt, sense of duty and fear of the repercussions.
How long will menopause last?
It’s a common myth that menopause symptoms are all relatively short-lived.
The average length of time symptoms are present ranges from 5-8 years.
Not all symptoms will necessarily settle down on their own if left untreated. This is particularly true for any symptoms affecting the vagina, vulva, or bladder, which will not improve unless treatment is taken.
Health implications of the menopause
The focus of most menopause conversations focusses on symptoms and how to improve them. What is often not talked about is the future health implications of no longer having reproductive hormones circulating around the body.
There are receptors for estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone all over our bodies because so many systems use these hormones to function well.
So for women after menopause – who no longer have a good supply of these useful hormones – there can be an acceleration in some disease processes which were previously well protected against like heart disease, the bone-weakening disease osteoporosis, and dementia.
As a general rule of thumb, the earlier the menopause the greater the potential impact on a woman’s future health.
The implications for future health after menopause are another reason why it’s important for every person going through perimenopause and menopause to have a thorough awareness of all the facts to consider, to enable them to make decisions about their own journey (with their partner’s support) and choose what treatment they may wish to consider.
Helping your partner with her menopause
There are many ways to help make menopause a more positive and proactive time of life. First of all, it’s essential to be aware that every person’s menopause is unique. You may chat with friends about their partner’s menopause, but your partner may be experiencing a very different set of challenges.
Being well prepared in advance and focusing on communication within a relationship is a great starting point for whatever you may face together.
Menopause may be happening directly to your partner but it will no doubt have an indirect effect on you, and potentially other family members, friends and colleagues.
We need to move away from the era when it was a private and undiscussed issue. Open, supportive listening and honest discussion is key to navigating this time.
As a partner, your menopause radar may be a crucial instrument in detecting symptoms. You may notice changes in your partner and join the dots before she does. Asking gentle, helpful questions such as:
“Do you think that some of the things you have been feeling recently might be due to your hormones changing?”
“I came across this leaflet about menopause/perimenopause, and wondered if it might be something worth having a look at?”
If a woman feels nurtured, loved and reassured, despite not feeling her normal self, she will find it easier to seek out help.
Finding out about help for symptoms and making appointments can become challenging in menopause as some thought processes and emotions can get in the way. If approached sensitively, she may appreciate if you could help with researching resources online and offering to accompany her to any appointments.
Attention to living a healthy lifestyle is a key part of helping tackle menopause symptoms and improving many aspects of health. This may involve needing to alter what she eats, reducing alcohol, and starting or changing exercise habits, for example. All these changes will be easier to achieve with good support from you as their partner.
Many people struggle to make these changes however, if they are not having any other help for their menopause, so it’s important to know about what can help your partner feel better as well as live healthier.
Treatments for perimenopause and menopause
The most effective way of treating peri/menopause symptoms and reducing future health complications is to replace the missing reproductive hormones. This is most commonly in the form of HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy).
HRT has had a checkered history in the media, but the headline message is that HRT is far safer than most people realise, and the benefits outweigh any risks for almost all women.
Myths abound about who can and can’t have HRT, but the reality is that all of those experiencing perimenopause and menopause should be given sufficient evidence-based information to be able to decide for themselves.
There is plenty more information on HRT in our other leaflets such as A Guide to Starting Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and Understanding the Different Types of Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)
There are different types and products involved in HRT and these can be used to help tackle all the symptoms of menopause, from hot flushes to anxiety, to lack of libido.
The ideal aim is to individualise care to each woman. Addressing menopause comprehensively should involve advice about lifestyle alterations and consider additional treatments such as psychological therapy or nutritional support.
While there is an ever increasing and bewildering number of ‘natural’ remedies available over the counter or via the internet, there is little scientific evidence to support the use of any of them, and some products have safety issues.
A ‘couplepause’
A newer concept of ‘couplepause’ has also been introduced in recent years. This refers to a stable couple in which both partners are in midlife or beyond and are both experiencing changes relating to menopause and/or andropause (sometimes called ‘male menopause’).
While menopause is often solely blamed for reducing the quality and/or quantity of a couple’s intimate relationship, sometimes there are issues at play for both parties, (whether they are male or female).
Addressing the issues facing each member of the couple will lead to far better outcomes. If you’re a male partner and feel you’re experiencing a shift in your own health and wellbeing, find out about possible sources of help and speak to someone about this.
The bottom line when it comes to supporting a partner going through perimenopause or menopause:
You will need patience, understanding and adaptability.
Sometimes it’s best just to let her talk and explain how she feels, and to listen and reassure. Sometimes she may prefer to be quiet knowing that you are there for her if needed.
Emotional and practical support are both invaluable.
This journey is unavoidable for your partner but is much better when taken together.
Last updated: June 2026
